Can I Blame It On The Chemo . . .

Ok, I know that I have written about this topic a couple of times over the last several months, but redundancy is good, right?

Clearly, it still surprises me.

For those of you who followed me on Caringbridge as I was going through chemo, you might recall that one of the side effects for me of chemo was “becoming chatty.”  Prior to this, I was never, ever, never, ever, ever accused of being chatty.  After the chemo drugs left my body, I became somewhat less chatty, much to the relief of my family (unless the topic was my new, non-original bladder).

Fast forward to about two months before I retired and I was back to a classic introvert, looking at my shoes when I talked to people (unless the topic was my new, non-original bladder).  So, I thought I would be able to pursue quiet, introvert type stuff, like writing, reading, and other solitary pursuits.  In order to prepare for this, I rented an office in the basement of an office building about 12 blocks from our house.  Not only was the office in the basement, it was at the end of the hall, where I would likely have limited contact with humans, thereby allowing me to pursue these solitary endeavors.

I no longer have this office.

I no longer look at my own shoes.

I am writing and reading less now than when I was working.

When I look at my calendar for the next month, it scares me.  There are scary “people things” on my calendar just about every day!

Can I blame it on the chemo?  No, that has been out of my system for three years.  Am I following Eleanor Roosevelt’s advice to do something that scares me every day?  No.  I would not do this voluntarily.  It started when I asked God the question Why? and What Do You  Want Me To Do?  And God answered differently than I expected.


A Boomer In Transition


When God Works You Over . . .

I am not sure if my theology is correct on this, but here is the story.  A few weeks ago, I was asked to speak in front of 400 people at a donor event at the university where I am doing my teaching, mentoring and coaching.  The event is in May and I had a conflict already on my calendar.  So my answer was NO.

Over the next 5 days, God put this front and center on my mind.  I would think about it during the day and I would think about it when I woke up at night.  On the 5th day of this “working me over”, it became clear that I was supposed to do this.  I was on an elliptical machine working out, and God was putting words in my mind on what I was supposed to say at this event.  Again, I had already said NO to this event and had a prior commitment out of town that was at the same time.  The sense that I needed to change my plans and do this event was so overwhelming that I cut my workout short, drove home and emailed the event coordinator to see if they had found another speaker.  They had not, and the reply was “No, do you have any ideas for us?”  My answer was “I’ll do it”, and I explained the last 5 day process.

Ever since I changed my devotions from “hurry up” with several asks of what I wanted to do, and no listening to what God wanted me to do – and flipped that around – this type of thing seems to happen more frequently.  Trust me, there is no ego involved in doing this presentation.  I don’t like to speak in front of large groups (even though I have done it too many times to count).  It would have been easier to stick with NO, but God had other plans for me, and that is the road I am traveling.


A Boomer In Transition