What is it about the last few years? I seem to cry about everything: Good news, bad news, in-between news. Is this a function of getting older? Is it because I allow myself to feel and experience emotions? Is it because I live from the heart instead of the brain? Maybe it is all these things.
This week I got my 3 year scan and it was all clear. For my type of cancer, this means I can now extend my visits to every 6 months from every 3 months because the chances of this cancer coming back drop materially. As I walked out of the clinic, I just starting crying. People around me might have thought I just received some bad news. Going into these appointments, I don’t think that I am carrying more than my usual amount of worry, but there are likely some pent-up emotions that are released after they are done. I don’t know for sure.
I do know that I don’t take good health for granted. But it is not just that. I have been practicing a speech I am doing in front of 400 plus donors (money, not organs) at the university where I have been teaching and mentoring students. I have finally gone through it enough that I don’t cry at three or four different points of the speech. The speech is from the heart, it is from my journey, from my interaction with students, and from what God is using me for right now. It is still new. To rely on God’s plan rather than my own.
I still have too many flaws to count. I am still a morning person. I still go to bed at 8pm. I still worry too much. I am still judgmental. I still want to follow my own path. I still think too much about me rather than others. The difference is that God can use me in spite of these and many other flaws. In the Bible, God uses primarily highly flawed people to do his work.
This is what is on my mind this morning as I wipe tears away from the keyboard.
A Boomer In Transition